The Queens Speech

Ah, this post was originally a tirade, but hey, nothing wrong with baring it all.

Preening

Today is the official gwen preening day. So its moisturisers, buffs and countless shiny glittery powders. Now I am watching something interesting with that hermione girl [kate something?] called the Fossil Sisters. Its not bad, and I recommend it to my mom as she is prone to squeeze out a few tears for the telly :) Its so far about found orphaned girls who stay with a spinster, whose adopted dad is a paleontologist. The dad disappears, along with his money. The girls start taking in boarders. No not that type.

Now d is filling up the room with smells of curry from our christmas day brunch, and I shall have a bit.

Update : Don't watch the movie. It was progressing well, with a lot of helpful feminist undertones. 'The world is not kind to a girl with no education', damn right woman ! And then things fall to pieces, the matriarchy rots, the bank dries and wahey, men arrive to put everything right. Head matron recovers from tuberculosis and gets married, blonde orphan goes to hollywood after signing a contract with man from hollywood, redhead orphan goes to russia for ballet with male chekov, brunette learns how to pilot planes because of stepdad's connections. Man, men, MEN !

Rubbish pseudo feminist flick. Its for the sort of women who read the little plaques next to paintings, does a yoko-ono stunt with paint, feathers and a mummified toe, and drinks cosmopolitans in a pub.

Feh. Philistines, plebeians and proletarians !

OOOOOOOOOH !

This christmas was smashing. I had curry for tea, and a turkey the sunday before, so its a two-in-one deal ! Very much like the christmas sales that are going on right about now.

One of the things I will take home [if i do come home one fine balmy hot day] is roast potatoes. There has been a yearly shortage of goose fat for christmas for the last 3 years, and thats because of roaties and nigella lawson. She is basically a tv cook with sexy lips and makes the most annoying snide comments of hosting perfection. Because of her, goose fat in thine potatoes is the only way.

Anyway, right now I am in pink flannel monkey pajamas watching an analysis of old-school christmas presents by james may. A SPIROGRAPH !!!! It is that high on the list, like the nintendo nes, mini microscopes and specimens, and lego. I need one badly. I can see now I was more of a tomboy than I thought.

And some nostalgia in the ladybird books. My favorite was sleeping beauty. Sigh. Some info on that :) Apparently the artists in the midlands [here] used to illustrate for ladybird as a sideline. I have a mind to search out my favorite now and blow it up for a canvas.

Anyway this christmas was lovely, but I am missing my folks back home. Of course, the random call in the middle of the night.

And now to go to analyse my presents. Good haul this year ! The best presents come from the heart.... and from yourself hahahahahahhahaha !!!!!!!! I got myself darling shirts from hawes & curtis, an art noveau necklace, a new work bag, new shoes, the standard white satin with lace trim pretty thing, a fabulous pink party dress and lots and lots of pretty bits and a new jumper.

Can't wait to go to the sales ! Selfridges, here I come !

Christmas Messages

Happy Merry Hairy Christmas !

Well, the traditional greeting sounds old.


So to all my beloved, near and far,
whether you be in sunny ol singapore,
thailand, vancouver, montreal, new york,
toronto, paris, nottingham, glasgow, sydney, zurich,
tokyo, colombo, london, johannesburg,
melbourne or mauritia.

Take care.

And listen to wookies.

Double Standards

Disclaimer : I am merely stating a point. Artistic integrity and free speech etc. And sod it, you guys think it too.

Today on the news was more about some bombing or killing in pakistan, iran or iraq. Or maybe it was darfur. Coming from a debating background I remember how passionate I was about global conservation and world peace. I used to remember dates and how many were killed. Now I barely register these things. Actually, I skip it to read the horoscope section and a bit about diana's post-mortem. And to be fair, being in the UK makes you tired of hearing about war and famine. I am starting to integrate, and yes, I have gotten cynical, and I know I am privilidged. I know I am part of the 10% of the world controlling 70% of its wealth.

Today, yes, some school got bombed. And when I heard it was a madrasah, the first thing that came to my mind was reprehensible. 'Oh I don't mind, its the men who cause all the trouble anyway. The women are fine, if a bit brainwashed. But that can be changed' It reminded me of the time I thought about the entire middle east tirade. 'It would be a lot cheaper if we just left them to settle in the grave they dug, its none of our business. Heck, nuke em so they will learn to leave us in peace.'

Who can tell who is right ? I am in the first world, where I moan that the buses come late, I eat takeaway and will personally create an olympic-sized pool of refuse per annum. I've always thought we never ought to have a say in third world politics, simply because we don't understand it, or learn about it. And in order to solve third-world crisis, every single one of us in the first world has to stay somewhere backwater, say oh, new orleans, to get it.

We are all going in a handbasket, we are. I feel really bad.

But to be honest, I am glad its not me who is stuck in some camp with no education, no food and no rights.

Bridge Strike

Today I got stuck in a train back from work. Some srtike, and literally, they were calling it a bridge strike. We were a couple of meters away from the junction, and I was pissed. I am once again going to rave about the crappy transport system. I don't care if trains leaving from CTR in Mumbai go at a rate of 10 per 1.5 minutes, or 1700a day. I don't care if people are swerving off cliffs on the worlds highest and most dangerous highway, Karakoram , or stuck in torpid temperatures outdoors in my ol adopted-home city, Toronto.

The irony is, I left work 15 minutes early, just like yesterday, when I happened to catch every single connecting train, connector train and bus. I was thinking it might be a pattern.

Pffffffffff.

Otherwise, I am yes, enjoying my work, and the stability of a double income no kids lifestyle. Or well, attached girl and one big kid. Its not like we're sharing everything 50/50, its just nice to know you dont have to help anyone out. Its the bliss of trusting someone to have it all together, which admittedly, few achieve. The rest of us are in denial.

Today I also watched Russell Brand, and he is a pretty intelligent bloke. Of course he looks like a twat and all you want to do is scream at him to get his wide man-hips out of another pair of skinny tight pipe-fitted ripped jeans. But an introspective man he is. He just did a program on Kerouac [who strangely I heard about while in big TO] and I shall watch it.

Its good brain food, the BBC. Also, another UK plus is that I realise people here walk a lot slower, talk a lot slower and generally take their time. I have learnt how to do this as well. Fantastic. Coupled with my aspergers; a natural propensity to block out sound in my head, and this new skill of mucking around, I live each day like its thursday.

Another bit of useless info: Singaporeans are in the top 10 for most stressed nations, measured by walking pace. Methodology ? Walking Lahhhhh. The faster you walk, the more work you have to do. Somehow, I think they misinterpreted this observation. I think in the case of an asian context, we have a nice zen way of life. Nirvana is defined as the essence of nothing, so we are merely rushing as a nation to do nothing later on.

A funny thought just occured to me. I should sit for the O Levels again, just for the heck of it, and see what grade I get. You know, a General Paper exam. Let me run riot on any of the lampooning topics they give. I think the marker would enjoy his/herself. I always remembered what my physics teacher Mrs Ong said in primary school about teachers getting overtime during christmas to mark O level papers, while its cold out and grey, and then use the money to take a holiday in crete inbetween christmas and new year. In my mind I pitied this unknown hero who gave me my A; I wanted to make it good enough to grade by flickering candlelight.

A book, a box and an umbrella.

Yes, that is what I managed to lose yesterday night. I was on the way home and david rang me while I was leaving the train. I was so tired, I totally forgot those things. I was lugging my laptop, with a file in my other hand, and talking to david with a new blackberry that I was just getting used to [got it on friday as well].

What surprises me is why people would take those things. It was really awful, because the box contained a ornament for my mum, the book was helping me and the umbrella is a pretty obvious indicator of the weather.

When I got home, I just didn't believe I had lost those things. SO much so that I went back with d's stepsis Jane to stourbridge. That is after a couple of calls to the station officers. Its unbelieveble.

We end up going, to of all paces, Que Pasa. I literally said; Jane, lets go to stourbridge town. If we find my things, we'll go get a drink. If we don't find them, we'll go for a drink. The place we ended up in was really nice though, and we stuffed ourselves with stuffed portobellos, fries and cheese, ribs and calamari. Dont forget the two rounds we got for free, and the lethal double shooter cocktail after. Yes, que pasa...

To be truthful, I was having an awful night until I went out with Jane. Work tires me out nowadays. I swotted hard enough in my last job, and I don't think I have the stamina anymore. Maybe I will build it up, but for the time being, its a pain. I had already been in london on wednesday , and at aston villa on thursday.

BUT again, in the end I have more fun equivalent to the things I lost. All I have to do is get back online and buy that book again... thank goodness I got PAID yesterday as well :) .

Unbelievable.

End of the Week

Today D has gone to town to see Bill Bailey and I am left alone, at home, on a friday night, on my first week of the job.

Actually, I don't mind. I am tired out. I LOVE my job. Its practical, you find your own work, and my office has almost NO red tape. Today was another good day, though at the start I made a small brain fart by printing the wrong document and all I could do was think 'FUCK'. I really lost my stride, because I don't know aything, can't tell the difference, and no one seems to be in the office long enough to carry out a conversation. So, there is no one new besides me, everything is foreign, and I just really felt over my head.

I then went for lunch, bought a chocolate indulgence from marks and spencer[mousse, brownie, maltesers, caramel, fudge, cream, white and milk chocolate buttons] and had a good day henceforth. Call it comfort eating, I don't care, it worked. M&S by the way, is my reckoning. It is full of things I will happily spend on and eat. I dont spend money on makeup, neither do i go out much. I don't buy tops that cost more than SG20, and I never will. I will never understand brand whores unless its an issue of quality or cut. I have found my living equilibrium, and i am fine with it. Music, books and food. Ahhhhhh.

Did another report today and for the first 10 minutes, panicked. Why ? Because it was a financial forecast of a project that I hadn't been involved in, and my resource was basically a ppt presentation and a thumbs up. Add to the fact that I never studied economics. And oh, I had one hour. If it weren't for the business plans i had already written for myself, and the investment pitches i did for my own firm....

It came out good, the guy said 'excellent'... I am incredibly happy, because somehow what I made sense of, made sense in the end. I am essentially a salesperson, I make numbers mean something, and I add industry expertise, which is really just common sense. His comment did make me want to issue a dept-wide letter going along the lines of 'thank you, you are all great, smart smart people, and i love working with you, how can i thank you enough, i want to stay here forever' . I won't, because I don't want to give the game away that I was absolutely terrified of the corporate machine until today.

Next week : heading my own deal origination. Fingers crossed.

Day of Reckoning

Today was interesting. I got myself a hat that actually fits. That was during lunch. I got a new project today, and its fresh and...

I realise I cannot talk about it;I went for a course too this afternoon, but I am right chuffed.

D also got a permanent position training as manager in a comfy large engineering firm. This definitely is good news, and I wonder what his new ergonomic mouse will cost.

I also realise that I am being extremely vague about everything I write. Its the first-week aftershock coming on. This syndrome is probably pandemic of anyone new to the corporate machine. New resolution : record days at firm and end up writing a fantasy dilbet-esque book, consisting of 7 financial years for 7 consecutive books released bi-annually, with movie tie-ins and product placements.

The Tasting

So, after twirling the glass, sipping and gargling, a sharp intake of breath brings the bouquet of M&A to life. And now, sliver bucket, spit.

Its actually not bad. This is the second day, and I actually like it a lot. Today my project got taken into a meeting, and yesterday was the deep end in calling. Besides the slightly frustrating bit of being slow, I am fine. There is free coffee, fruit and my colleagues are nice. So nice that I am tempted to be a pessimist.

I just can't get used to the fact that there seems to be minimal red tape in this organisation. If I want something, I don't have to ask someone, I take it from the stationary cabinet. If I have to send out an email, I send one out without a template, its more like point, aim and shoot. If I prefer a blackberry, one is ordered for me. Its fantastic.

All I can do right now is buy a couple of 'woman in business' books. Excluding the ones which essentially tell you to grow some balls if you don't already have any.

This started it all. 2 days to go.

This is the song of the day, and it is a song that actually started me on music snobbery. So maybe I don't have a degree in music and can't tell E from C. I am also possibly tone deaf [hence my disastrous grades in mandarin oral tests] But its a kick ass song from the wide genre of cool Britannica. This song also influenced me in style, skulduggery and my taste in men. Its weathering for the soul. I can even say its what got me used to the idea that there is more out there in the world.

Growing up pudgy means you get to grow some personality, its an evolutionary means of not getting lynched on. I mean, come on, you can't run, hunt and neither do you look good. Fat kids who turn into good looking adults are commonly really cool, even if they are too beautiful. That's what it meant to me anyway. I never take lyrics literally, but the thoughts and evocations can sometimes put me in a musical coma. EG Jimi Hendrix's Along the Watchtower. It is my opiate. I think that's how people in drug-free countries get along. Its a transcendental sense of being. Its philosophy without the help of a high. And so I've never needed drugs, and never will.

Suede : Beautiful Ones


Come to think of it, this is pretty advanced listening for a 11 year old.Cheers 1996.
Suede : Saturday Night

Spartacus , 3 days to go.

Some history for us today, a lesson about defying Rome. Spartacus, thankfully, has not been remade with the addition of either russell crowe, hugh grant or that guy who was in pretty woman. I am right now, too lazy to type out the whole thing, so just google it under spartacus, wiki. Spoiler ! In the end he dies, and 7000 of his follwers were crucified.

Such a cheery mood.

Song of the day is .........

Beatles : In My Life

4 Days to Go

I went to B'ham again today for orientation into the job. There is a christmas fair in victoria square so I am hoping to get mom another novelty christmas ornament, I seem to get her one every year and this shouldn't be the exception. Our tree must be looking quite schizo, unless the theme is something old, something new, something borrowed, something glued lol. If I recall, 2005 was a porcelain globe from Amsterdam. 2006 was a crystal snowflake from Montreal. I guess one for every christmas I am away from.

I am feeling a bit better, I spoke to my dad about some worries I had.

Today's song of the day is a tie between Elton John's Your Song, Blackstreet's No Diggity and Frank Sinatra's Moon River. Yes. We, today, shall cross music in all its marvellous representations of social strata and culture. Oh and sexual orientation.
I listened to the Klaxon's version of ol EJ, and I find it a lot more palatable because its not him singing it. I have peace, I do not have nicole kidman flashing her glittery knockers at me, or a dead princess Di walking over fields of grass. Bazz Luhrman bastardized a lot of good songs in moulin rouge and I can't get that bleeding giant elephant out of my head. I have mixed feeling about cover versions and songs that tie into movies; The Klaxons, as I have demonstrated, have just saved elton from my bin, but screwing with the beatles and frank sinatra is blasphemy. NO ONE should do covers of sinatra. Every performer attempting a cover should march out there and before even breathing, apologise. Imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery when the original artist is dead and the backstreet boys come back with another flipping version of unchained melody.

If it all comes to naught, something old school. No one is too cool to throw away a whole genre of music, even if its pop. There are some hip hop songs out there that are not about niggas, hos and yo momma. Bob marley is cool. He didn't plug anyone's lungs full of lead.

Blackstreet : No Diggity

5 days to the National Express

I have been reading up on B'ham today, and I got reminded of a song when I was on my way to see chun. The Digbeth coach station I went to looked like a death trap though.

Divine Comedy : National Express

Giving up

I have stopped the countdown, because of a sad relisation. Things should cease to be exciting.

Well, its because I get enthusiastic, and thats when things can go wrong publicly. I look forward and have expectations, and when it doesn't work out, I am fine with the outcome, albeit disappointed. However, everyone else is pissed at me.

People forget that I try my best. It sounds like an adolescent rant, but what else could it be? Sounds vain, but when you keep finding yourself either muse extrodinaire all rounder OR biggest failure , when people never ever see you as 'stable' , you have to wonder if you're different.

Thats what I think anyway. No one expects another to be genuine, why should anyone believe me? I want to stick to a normal boring life, everything on an Average grade. Average house, bills, average friends. No more passion, because it hurts too damn much.

I have had exceptionally good times and bad, I have outperformed, and t,hen failed spectacularly. I have never been comfortable, its always either going fantastically well, or in the shits. And I think its because of me caring intensely, that I excel, and the same of which I fall.

I have spectacular friends, a loving family, good prospects.
Let me now just take it all for granted like everyone else does. No one believes in forever anymore, why should I ? And I shall find that life is easier to live. I have had enough of trying to understand, when all is required is participation.

And maybe, when the dust settles, it isn't important either way.

Heck, 5 days to go before the job starts.

Los Cobos , 9

The countdown continues, so here is another oldie.

America : Horse With No Name

COUNTDOWN : 10

Its 10 days to the job, and typically, I have a countdown of sorts. Today's song of choice ... is a bit moody, but hey, Ian Brown is the ex lead of the stone roses. His voice is to be described as singing into a bucket, but the lyrics are apt.

Ian Brown : The World Is Yours


I just went to Merry Hill, Psst : New boots ! and on the way I pass by the black country locks, a museum and brickwork factories. I think I've mentioned this before, but one observation here : living in the midlands has its perks. For example, you can SEE a lily allen song, yes, thats london. You can see a Moby. You can see Queen at Wembley. You can also see 2Pac in cali-for-ni-a. Same with brummie land. Its stark, overgrown with weeds, filled with factories and you see grannies riding on buses. In some ways . Oasis, libertines, suede and kinks, they just fit , MAN. This IS England. At least it is for the English. Did you know ozzy osbourne is from here.... and a couple others you wouldn't have guessed but I've conveniently forgotten.

Yeah, when you're kicking cans and sucking on a fag, you have to be in the midlands.

Here is my city sound sampler. Goodness knows one day I will be reading this for recollections sake.

Toronto : Maroon 5 / Muse / Primal Scream / Snow Patrol
NYC : Moby / Madonna
Paris : Ella Fitz [Love for sale]
Berlin : Rammstein !!!
Brussels : Beatles [All you need is love]
London : Frou Frou

The Shuffle

Guess what folks ? The papers have been signed. I start on Monday week after. I am a bit sad, this means I won't be home anytime soon. I actually miss everyone back home more than I let up, I just wonder how many people keep tabs on me now. I wonder if they know I miss them. Big breath, people on my list include younger cousins.

Example:
Christopher , how tall are you and how many girls ??
Jeremy , are you going to beat my O level scores ??
Chelsea , what is kristel up to ?!

And ETC. Seriously , I am missing them growing up. ''blink''

Anyway , there are plans for me to get to NYC end of november for a gf's birthday. Also, Galway cause an old pal from aussie is there and tickets are £10.


Oasis : Half The World Away

I would like to leave this city
This old town don't smell too pretty and
I can feel the warning signs running around my mind
And when I leave this island I'll book myself into a soul asylum
And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

So here I go still scratching around the same old hole
My body feels young but my mind is very old
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
You're half the world away

I've been lost I've been found but I don't feel down.

AND SOMETHING HAPPIER :) My Chemical ROmance: Teenagers

Word of the Day

Bête noire , French for "black beast."
Synonym : Anathema

Now all I have to do is use it. I have been successful in using schadenfreude, rendezvous [long ago] , coupe de grace and je ne sais quoi. Now its all fancy, I know, but the funny thing about the english language is that they don't use nearly half as many words as they should, and its not as evocative as something foreign.

Shoot me if I go into a japanese phase and start buying silk pajamas.

Tomorrow its B'ham city, the final exam and then the dotted line. Its slightly scary how committing myself to a job here also means I commit myself to staying in this country for possibly half a decade at the least, and of course, learning how to drive, getting a house and ..... getting married. The M word, oh the M word. The fantastic thing about here though, is that I will eventually go back home for awhile and benefit from the disgustingly good exchange rate. Either that, or I can start building my retirement home where its warm.

No matter what other countries may have, the tiny dot has three unbeatable standards of excellence in public transport, food, shopping, weather, cleanliness, safety and the death penalty. Alright, more than three points to assure I will always come home.

Just randomly, here is another music vid.

Fischerspooner - Never Win


xx
g

Wicked Soul

I still have not put pictures, I know. I seem to have this glass ceiling when it comes to flickr or whatever other site it is for the plain and simple fact that I can never remember passwords or member ids.

I had a horrific nightmare last night, so I am looking forward to getting back to work. I only dream when I have nothing else to do.

Kubb - Wicked Soul

Bonfire Night

I had a great saturday night. D and I went for a rocket party and spent most of the evening blowing the sky out. Ours was the coolest because it had golden showers in two rounds with sparkles in the end. D is a wimp around sparklers though.

There were a few other groups around as well, so it was more or less an all-night non stop affair. Then classic chilling out and listening to music gig.

Now to reinstate the all important thing, which is also my cryptic message for the day : All women need nice underwear. You feel like a million bucks when you do. Always wear nice underwear. If you want to be treated like a princess, be one .

xx
g

More Pictures of B'Ham

I went walking around the locks a couple of days ago and got caught in the dark :) It turns now at 5PM, so its longer evenings. Today is the same old, so enjoy

The Libertines

Earrings and Bustiers

Today I went to Merry Hill to open a new bank account. I wonder anew at the glorious exchange rate. In H&M , the shirts are virtually value for money. Well for a lower quality range that is. I do like the jewellery here though. I will go crazy during christmas time. Its better than the singapore sale. Here, they slash prices mercilessly. Seriously, there is no lower you can go for some.

I guess if I was an economist, I;d be able to use the proper term , but it is for now what I call ...ultimate competition. Or hey, here we go... its come to me : aggressive open market competition saturated with demand and goaded on by advertisers. And i think that is economic kosher.

They used to have sales only in june or end of season [like sg has any different season] but here they have it all the time. Stuff is cheap here :)

Well, it looks cheap until you multiply everything by 3.

xx
g

B'ham Pics 2

B'ham City Pics

Today I went to speak to the HR, and I ought to be starting soon after the contract is drawn and signed. I am still holding my breath, because I think their HR is a shrink. HR speaks like d's step-sister Jane, who is a training pyschologist. Or rather, HR gives off that manilla aura. You know, a blank slate, pristine calm and happy.

After that, I went shopping. Obviously I am pleased. I got 2 pairs of trousers, a nice A-line skirt and 3 shirts. And a grey cardigan. So, I am set for almost eternity.

My Work Wardrobe
Trousers [black, grey and blue pinstripes]
Skirts [black, grey and blue pinstripes]
Shirts [black, white, blue, black pinstripes]
Shoes [1 pair, black doll pumps]
Coats [black, grey, brown]
Scarves [Plain red, black, green]
Gloves [Black, blue]

Sadly enough, I had most of my work wardrobe and winter gear with me. I sent those ahead of my fun stuff. All my moisturisers are in another bag.

Ah the thought of the day : This is it. This is the start of my life. I have now a stable job, I am looking forward to professional skilled training, and I am shacked up with a man. These of course aren't the tenets of my existence, but it feels so significant to be achieving the normal. Its so calming, and there is a satisfaction that even if I don't become a millionaire one day, I will still have comforts to go back to.

Below: Picture of my office. Ironically, I found the building because I just made a beeline to the Starbucks at the bottom [behind tip of man's head in the middle] Accountants cannot survive without.

Belle du Jour

What makes the perfect man? Me and my gf both have a view. Firstly, they can't be trusted and like the folks say, never rely on anybody but yourself.

So what is the perfect man ? Should he be rich ? Or poor and artistically inclined ?

My Requirements
1. Generous
He needs to understand I like shoes, and random presents every other day. I love lingerie, I love chocolates and EVERY girl loves flowers given at the right time, unexpectedly accurate. Besides those luxuries of which a girl can get accustomed to, he must be generous with his time. I want attention, and to be asked if I want a trip in town. I want to be treated like a princess, which is natural. I want to be taken out and definitely, I want to be seen where everyone else has IT, but not as much as I do.

2. Liberal
I will do what I want, when I want, and when I feel like it. I don't want to have to say who or where, what, when, how and hell knows what. Excuses are mortal. Consideration is not my strong point. If you think about it, its just two sides of a coin. One gives in and the other doesn't. Since it is not world politics or a management decision, the chance it flips to my side is inextricably unimportant. Meaning I might as well do whatever I please.

3. Glamorous
My man has to be a mix of sugar daddy and toy boy. He must be a Richard Gere, without the soppy puppy look. I'd like a man who can afford to give me so much money, that I have enough left over to buy him presents. He must have nice suits, an impeccable wine list, know what foie gras is, and possibly work in a posh law firm. Don't forget the condo, car, country club, career and charisma. I used to have a spa treatment every weekend, ate out 3 days of the night and got taken out everytime else. No sense breaking routine.

Thus I have come to a conclusion. As I tell my gf... Maybe he ought to be very hairy. And handsome, with a taste for travel and adventure, new food, dancing and culture. Or maybe he ought to be yours to begin with. Because currently, the perfect man does not exist. Trust me, I have looked.

That 10% that the perfect man ought to occupy in your life could be used for another hard night out with the girls, ending up at a cantonese stirfry, gloriously overdressed and indecently underdressed.

The definition of the perfect man is always fickle, always sappish and immature. Any female who wishes for one ought to be given one. You're better off making the money yourself, gf.

Adjusting my profile

So it is confirmed, today I changed the settings on my facebook to private, got rid of weird groups and then .... my date of birth. It is now ambiguous, as I choose to age gracefully and let numbers fallow.

And a mention : My COUSIN , my favorite cousin, Kristel, has turned 18. I wish I could have been there. I do miss all of you very much.

Have some chilli crab , I live gastronomically through you.


Ah and more news : I am going to learn how to drive. Soon.

Epiphany

Today was a nice day. I beat D's PSP top score for lumines in one try, went shopping with his mom and sis for penguin pajamas .... and GOT A JOB. Its fantastic, because they're sending me for advanced study in a uni somewhere, plus i get paid in £ .

Its fantastic. I start a week from now and I am absolutely terrified that before I get to the office, they'll call and say "No, none for ya". I am sending my agent a hamper.

Anyway, I am off thinking about christmas in NYC :) Besides that, lots of walking around the english countryside. I am trying to take my camera out more, because I am regretting not taking enough photos of me in toronto.

Maslow's Hierarchy

Tis a sad day when I have to use google spell for hieraRchy, which, without a reference, I swear should be hierachy.

I spent the whole of today doing NOTHING and its driving me mad. Waiting on a partner's meeting for one decision. Seriously ! It reminds me of watching the apprentice. Snivelling eggheads in suits. And it plagues me so.... How many of us want a desk job ? I think if I had my way, i'd be in a carpenters, or in a goldsmiths actually making something. I know I am brilliant at that. Minute, detailed, thoughtful work.

'Oh honors aren't good enough, how about you go to Havard, spend the entire GDP of congo on technical analysis courses, and then pimp yourself out to companies that destroy the souls of bright young things fresh out of uni ?' This is corporate. 120 hour workweeks, ketchup in the fridge, remnants of the last starbucks coffee, expensive shoes, a nice condo and when you get home, white sound ringing in your ears because there is nothing in the house alive except a cactus that is still alive why, cause its a frickin cactus. Seriously, the industry calls it a milk round , or by another name the Career Convention, which manages to electroplate to your mind that if you don't make it in finance, and in one of the top 4, you are doomed to squeaking along, unable to afford takeout like your glamorous peers who live the life described above.

I've lived that, and my conclusion : There is just so much french grammar and cryllic alphabet I can take.

Here is the filler. SO yes, besides learning a language as my life languishes by, waiting for that damn meeting, I have taken to entertaining d's cats with youtube flicks of cats that flush. Cat fights ! Cat plays the piano !

And now I am watching True Lies circa 1994. In German. Seems to be fitting somehow.

Tis a sad day.

Facebook

Today Gwen browsed in Facebook. Now facebook itself is a communication tool used by millions of viewers etc. But THERE IS EVIL. I am possibly one of the truest 'needers' of facebook ie all my friends and family are at least 5 continents away. Yet millions use it everyday, for nudges, pokes, iLike, photo-me, you-me-whatsits, similarities among friends and countless other stupid attachments. The earthly blackhole of time and space as we know it.

But then again, it is fun to track down ex flings and voyeur at past acquaintances. Or maybe that person you met with the thing who said something on that night I got fantastically drunk from moet on my downtown patio overlooking the skyline of TO.
Oh am I supposed to say that ? But I definitly miss the city of TO. Rightly so, since now I have to walk to find a post office.

Though the CN tower has started looking like an oversized popsicle ... Its urban, lacking history, in a grid system, and its public transport sucks balls, the city needs better paving, you can find more cocaine than snow, its the slower sister of nyc and the ugly sister of montreal. Its not the most romantic city, its really got nothing going for it. Except that I used to live there and I was quite happy.

I shall go look at facebook now and try to dig up the kid i used to have a crush on when i was 10.

Muse ....... minx !

And I'm feeling good......... oooooooooh yeah.



Muse is having a renaissance with me. Curse all these lanky brit blokes. From Jarvis Cocker to Brett Anderson , I smell something smokin*. Could be the social conscience that brit = good from a former colony, but I am a very lucky girl.

Romeo and Juliet

The newest songs are ol school I say. There is this series on BBC 1 which was showing in canada as well, called Live from Abbey Road. Fantastic work.

So this is The Killers , playing Dire Straits' R&J [at the end] . Enjoy.



I am currently in a fish bowl. Half my hearing is fuzzy due to a clogged ear and the only thing that sounds good is the beatles due to their relatively uncomplicated songs vs say, something like coldplay. Hendrix would also do my head in. Next on the playlist : Carpenters.

Birmingham's Finest

Birmingham is interesting , musically. Ozzy and sharon osbourne came from here, same as the wonderstuff and many more which currently I can't remember. The BBC has tonnes of these documentaries.

SO... The first song to be broadcasted on BBC's Radio 1 in 1967 is The Move : Flowers in the Rain , a band from Birmingham.



And perhaps you guys can check this out :
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/established1967/feature/40artists.shtml

Still young :)

Just larking around here in the UK. I am hoping to get some pictures soon when D and I take a trip around birmingham town. I've been there alone 3 times already, and it does make me think about the british empire and imperialism in general. The place is so grand. Monuments and fountains, cobblestones and all. But then, all the wealth came from the colonies under the crown.

So really.... Should I be impressed ? I say its social conditioning, because I spot japanese tourists front left and center. They, and even I , come from cultures that date back to when white men were 'savages'. Yet we dismiss our own great monuments and achievements to gawp at pieces of marble. Wealth built up from colonial conquest and pillaging. I know about their wars, their bombs and their presidents, political motivations, bad pop music and knock knock jokes. But all I know about china is that it has the great wall, pollution, random superstitions and india is filled with cows, harems, curry and gandhi.

Aside, aside. I am missing toronto. I find it slightly confusing, because I was and am both a tourist and a local last in canada and now here. Its new ground and I am to stay for an indefinite period. I like what I see, but will I stay ? I thought so when I was in Singapore and the same in Canada.

Why the tirade ? Well its possible I currently hate the english weather. Ok fine, I HATE the english weather. Singapore is far superior because its WARM. And the transport is superb. And the food is fabulous. And I can go for a midnight jog without getting mugged.

Now to lighten the mood : Falco !

Fat Cat

I am at home alone today with d's two cats. I must say I appreciate having a lie in. Plans have changed dramatically in terms of what I am doing. Currently speaking to a few firms here about getting some work, which is great. Its like getting into merrill lynch via india. Birmingham is sleepier than london and all the new brains are relocated to the city, so there is a shortage in birmy, and hence my niche. Its quite exciting to be wanted.

You can take the girl outta the big city ...

I had a minor discussion on what the essence of life is with d's stepsis Jane. She is going to be a psychologist and cements my theory that its the people who aren't entirely sane who have an interest in that industry :) I ought to know, I wanted to be one. Or some sort of therapist. heh heh. Anyway, I figure with cash or no, I'd still be looking for a job anyway while D finishes his contracts here.

So now I would be a management consultant, do corp finance .... who knows what they want to be at my age ? Or at 30 ?

Wolverhampton and Birmingham Central

Its black country, its the midlands, no its not glamorous. But the funny thing is, I feel like I am really living here. Sure I have a fair share of business anxiety and piddly other things. Trust me the last 6 weeks have been a nightmare and I am glad to be in one piece. PS have a bad cold and just went for an interview in a law firm. GAH. And a certain large company here wants to know if I am chinese or a variant of a chinese. Lol.

ahem.

Maybe for once being rich isn't on top of my list. Sitting in a desk rotting under a flourescent tube, working inches from passing out, the mad commute in public transport ... in the end those mean nothing. Its a means to an end, where I just want to be happy and contented with D in a flat by the canals, eating what I want to eat and buying within reason or even slight fancy.

There was a study done with lottery winners, and really, people don't change their spending patterns that much. They have their old jobs and shop in the same shops. They weren't much happier. The word du jour is this : Satisfaction.

Well, you know me. Old habits die hard, and I will look back at this and laugh when the money siren calls.

Getting set up

So now the departure date has been pushed to new years because of d's contracts, which is fine by me. I am near a firm called deloitte and they happen to have a rash of jobs in m&a work, because of a new branch being opened. Fantastic, no better time if you ask me. I am excited on the idea of earning in pounds. Hopefully I get a foot in the door. I'd say a leg over, but in the uk english is a whole new language and it means something naughty.

Yesterday I went to see d's dad. The english eat very simply, but it does taste pretty good. Baked potato with cheese and beans, which we had the day before :) or grilled chicken with potato salad. Ah it all tastes like picnic food, which i like. Bangers and mash - picnic , fish and chips - picnic, sandwiches - picnic, roast beef - picnic, curry - definitely picnic.

Tomorrow we are going to pick blackberries but there is a 50% chance we will stay in. And maybe we will have a picnic.

xx
g

Excess Baggage

Hi

The time has cometh ! I shall depart from toronto on the 6th at 6PM . Lovely, I have two days to do anything I want to. I will be missing TIFF [toronto int film fest] but no matter. Just going to have a nice flight there, and possibly by today repair my laptop which i happened to accidently smash. Angrily. I basically killed the hard drive.

D and I have not been doing so well because this long distance thing is bulls**t.

Syl messaged me the other day out of the blue, and it was a nice surprise. As usual, a flood of memories in its wake, starting with the $900 phone bill in april of 2005. No matter what, I will always be fond of him. How could I not ? Also, 3Am in the morning is always spooky. All the old songs circa 2005 come pouring out of the tv.

Now I am worrying about coming home. This is it folks, the gwen hath returned to yee fair shores of changi point. Well yes, since the flights from the uk do come in that direction. And with her shall followeth a fair man with chest hair.

:) I do worry though. I feel an imaginary pressure to pull a rabbit out of thin air when i come home.

Crooklyn ?

Spike Lee's take on childhood; the weirdest plot ever with the best soundtrack. There are kids sniffing glue, a girl padding her chest with toilet paper, a white supremacist neighbour who sings stevie wonder, the hatred of black eyed peas, and a solid 10 minutes of watching kids play jump rope on the streets. Alright, I liked the street games part. I doubt anyone ben's age knows what hopscotch is, or hit-the-marble-in-the-circle-thing. Do kids these days play with marbles ?

And then the mom dies .... the dad is a musician ... someone likes the knicks. And then Hey Joe by Hendrix plays.

Very avant garde, no?

I think I prefer watching Adam Levine [Maroon5] shake his sexy jewish toosh. At least I can concentrate on ONE topic of interest.

BTW D is jewish. I just thought everyone should know. Haha. Going to afghanistan. Haaha..... oh wait, different issue. Sigh, the palestinian conflict and al qaeda, tut tut. Lalala sing on sesame street , all of them look similar, which of these are the same !!

So Spooks [BBC] is on now about biochemical threats being handled by M15 [britians version of the CIA] and how we are all heading to wordly disaster and chaos even as we deny it by voting conservative. The germans voted right, canadians voted right, the french got themselves right as well. Taiwan is sort of, not officially right, so is HK. Russia is well... right. Plus the whole of the commonwealth is historically right, and don't forget the Australians. And America is Right TOO !!!

Let us focus on the ONE topic of interest now.

What I have learned from canadian cable

My little story takes place in a tropical villa, i fell in love with a flavor, yes it was vanilla. Mini wheats wheats wheats I wanted vanilla for so long mini wheats wheats wheats i wanted fibre for so long, vanilla flavor mixed with wheat, put them together what a treat, vanilla flavor mixed with wheat, put them together good to eat.

Tastes so good good good.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, take a look at my post before on second city. You'll get it. Its rote. I can sing it in perfect pitch. Notice how it immediately annoys ? Thats perfect advertising. Its in the league of how i know the model answer to the workings of magnetising a nail, the lymphatic system, the formation of an oxbow lake and a verbatim speech incorporating bohemian rhapsody and stairway to heaven. If the advertiser meant for me to memorise that annoying cloying vanilla-coated song, he was successful. As for actually eating mini wheats, lets say i give a wide berth to every cereal section of any breakfast buffet . Spicht.

Oh yes, boybands are back. The white rapper is a reality tv program and apparently everyone can be a chef, or interior designer. If it weren't for my favorite, the disclaimers on EVERY program [This program contains coarse language, scenes of nudity, sexuality and violence and is meant for a mature audience. Viewer discretion is advised. ] I would be pretty blase. Instead I rub my hands in glee because I know its southpark coming on. Only southpark has all four you see. Ah another good one is a raid yellowjacket repellent commercial. Kills them Dead.

I shall go and read proust now.

Night at the Comedy Club [Facebook of Revelations]

I went out to second city today, and it was rather good.

Here is a brief sypnopsis :
Second City presents its 60th revue, Facebook Of Revelations, and it's one of the troupe's strongest in years. The sketches hit different notes, offer a great mix of physical comedy and smart writing and always end up in unpredictable places. The opening number skewers jukebox musicals, while the finale sends up technology and evangelical religion. In between are surprises about war, robots and relief pitchers.

Ok, so fine, I have had good moments in toronto. I may just be back in the future, who knows. Its a bit grubby, the cash divide is prominently displayed and real estate agents are a pox, a pox. But watching the show made it all apparent that this city is somewhat mine, a social awareness barometer, because I actually got all the jokes. Or I have been watching way too much canadian cable.

Review/Full breakdown of the cast :
The scenario: It's the sketch everybody was raving about at intermission on opening night, but it wasn't the only one that hit a sublime chord. Director Bruce Pirrie kept things fresh, throwing plenty of stylistic changeups at the audience. There was straight spoof, as in an opening number that took dead aim at We Will Rock You, called Safe Bet: The Musical, a "commercial" for a musical made up of lame plot contrivances that are really just excuses for people to sing Boomer hits like Jack and Diane and Wanna Be Starting Something.

There was mind-f---ing of various sorts, including a trippy time-loop sketch about an H.G. Wells type inventor (Annan) and a villain (Adams) with a time machine that only goes back two minutes per use.

And there was even some clever politically-tinged pathos -- as when dad Montgomery has to explain to the kids (Adams and Lauren Ash) why mommy went to Afghanistan to fight. "Why mommy go there?" -- "Because we have a moral obligation" -- "What does that mean?" -- "Nobody knows what that means!"



Yeah , so tis time to bloody leave already ! AAAAAH. One more advertisement of Vanilla coated mini wheats and I am going to afghanistan.

Wabi-Sabi

Yes , the imperfection of things makes things perfect. So D is crabby in the morning, whinges incessantly and is impossible to coax [still]. But I love him all the more for it :)

Anyway I am taking a lazy saturday break, I usually work 7 days, but its all easy today. I am going to best buy to tinker with all the new electronics out, and am going for a wee bit of shopping.

First, a good coffee and an afternoon nap.
Monday , I am expecting some colossal bit of news, and possibly I will be flying out to UK a few days after, if I don't see chun in montreal.

Turn your PC into a super TV

Well yeah thats what they say. Look out for tonnes of scams like pcshowbuzz. Its basically a program that they charge a one time fee of 30 bucks that soemhow allows you to watch satellite on your pc, much like youtube. However, hey, it sounds too good to be true and is too good to be true.

The funny thing is, I think this service should exist. Cable is basically from the same providers of your internet connection. They use the same infrasturcture for sakes ! All it takes is a bit of tinkering of the wires and I can turn my laptop into a tvbox, complete with a universal remote.

Pffff. They should just suck it in and stop thinking of it in terms of internal product competition. TV IS DEAD.

BTW , I have the ignominy of realising that my frickin namesake aka gwen stefani's song '4AM in the morning' is actually accurate, because I do get soppy in the middle of the night. And its 4AM. Someone please shoot me.

Anyway, heads up to all the cousins back home in singapore. I am sending everyone a little something within the same parcel as ben's present.

He's 9. Wow. Now its only a few years until he will be deciding things for himself and making whatever he wants to make of this world. I do hope he crawls out of the cracks, public school isnt the best enviroment. Trust me, if I can in the short future, its an international school for my boy. I already didn't get my full run with him. I wanted to chuck him into piano classes, french, german, possibly swimming, rock climbing, stick him in parlimentary debates like his ol sister.

Its time to make for the new. I am old hat now. Probably no matter what I do, he will turn out exactly the way only he wants to turn out. Its just one of my worry nights when I can't sleep. Argh. Its just this feeling like I want to protect him, and I don't know how to. The deep end? It certainly isn't comfortable, and the idea of ethics becomes a wee bit foggy.

Sigh.
Its probably time to touch home base.

When I should be getting to sleep

Yes, it is 3AM in the morning and all I can do is plan on what I am doing later on in 6 hours or so. A trader never sleeps. We simply give the illusion that we are merely human. Its worse when I get to do some side accounting work for some clients of mine. They lie, they all lie, the lot of them. Brokers, lawyers, bankers, ceos, cfos, engineers, architects, the tax man, the working man, the secretary, teachers, the vicar, plumbers, historians, any unionised organisation, the news, the papers, fashion photographers, the people who write the ingredients on heinz baby food, chinese politicians, the rest of the other politicians, the IMF, the WTO, the mirrors at zara, your momma !

But no. We are special humans. We are psychopaths who will tear down queen and country for one thing and one thing only. Well , that one thing varies, but its within the range below

CAR----CASH----CONDO----CLUB----Curried Lamb

But anyway, I do realise its been a while since I have been home, and maybe its time. I have been having dreams again of that feeling of shiok-ness. Chicken briyani, where for art thou my heart beats? Oh to nestle in thine divine bosom that is laksa and beef noodle. Hast thou forsaken me, oh my chilli crab?

Really, I miss my mom and dad and ben, and my relatives, the places I grew up, the places I fell in love, the places I hung out and near got in trouble but didnt.

But that chilli crab, with a cool corona on the side of the kallang river, watching the planes fly by.

Sigh.

I'll be home, if only in my dreams .

Mascara, round exfoliating beads and fancy lipgloss.

Oh and lancome toner and cleanser. Plus lots of goodies.

Today I went for a veritable hen party at shoppers drug mart. It was a beauty fest and I got a bit of makeup on me. I figure I am 22 and really should be slopping some goop on my face. Plus everything was 20% off and I had freebies.

Or should I really have makeup? I think its carcinogenic for one. All that matte anti shine pearlescent stuff shouldnt be good for you. It was eternally fussy there to begin with.

This is juat to wash your face.
Step 1: pH balanced cleansing organic gel containing antioxidant
Step 2: 2-size rounded microdermabrasion granules exfoliating scrub
Step 3: Anti aging, anti sag ultra lift light purifying serum
Step 4: Vitamin enriched toner , non oil based and non sticky

Firstly, I have been doing fine with just soap. Albeit expensive soap, but generally I watch my diet and water intake when my skin looks bad. Piling a chemical coleslaw doesn't really give me peace of mind, even if its expensive.

Worrying about under-eye marks and visible pores would make anyone self concious. I dont know whether I should be in the proud party of people who simply don't need makeup and never will need any makeup, or figure I am just being a pseudo hippie. I could be in denial. Or maybe absolutely right. Maybe I should mind how I look, and makeup is a socially acceptable thing to use. But isn't it deception? Giving your bedmate a perception that you have a healthy baby-bearing glow, instead of the yellow pallor that is city slicker ? Isn't makeup just part of the beauty industry of which pays more to its marketing than to actual cost of raw 'ylang ylang jojoba organic grass etc' that its things are suposedly made of ? The cosmetics industry spends 3000% more on marketing that its r&d ! But.... I do look good under those lights at the makeup counter. Funny how I never get the same effect at home.

I just bought the mascara and lipgloss cause the bottles were pretty. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS, OK ?

Pics :)

Here are some flattering pictures of D, obviously I take the time to get some good ones. I bring up the old vidal sassoon slogan : If you don't look good, we don't look good. Likewise, I can be a hag, just as long as I have a looker for a fiance, I am just going to be fine in sg.

Boating in Lake Ontario :)


Lounging at the penthouse on 50 John [Love the location, hate the dsl speeds]

Dzilla [We're standing at an oversized plaster cast of niagara, my folks and I actually took a picture there in december]

Firewalls, ISPs, Socks, Proxies and Ports

My computer has a DUI charge for MSN, so please contact me through my email. Seriously, I have spent my entire free afternoon trying to bypass the fortiguard that the retarded management has put on this building. Its essentially something that stops everything that I need. For example, torrents and msn. Youtube, chun's blog, and bbc are all inaccessible.

Frickin great. The upside is that now I am versed in net geek lingo.

And of course, I cannot talk to D because I have no msn. Its been 4 days and it feels like a month. I am trying my best to be incredibly cheery considering the stockmarket forecast , and the past two weeks, is well, as upbeat as the aftermath of 9/11. The goverments of the world are dumping gold reserves into the markets. I am not happy.

Interesting things a-happening the last two days though. I moved out of 50 John [the rosemont suites] to 200 victoria [pantages hotel] because I simply missed D too much and being in the room alone wasn't helping. However, on the second day of my stay, in the middle of my tea, a man walks into my room with the keys in his hand.

SO. I whip out my contract. AND. He whips out his.

Considering the percentage of time I am buff in private per day, it was fortituous that I was actually fully clothed [the hotel was next to the eaton center. heh heh] . In the end we found out the owner had pre-booked him for the room that his agent had released to me. So i end up moving back into the old place because ironically, i prefer it to the hotel. Also because I spewed venom at the agent and got 150 bucks back. That took two days of collaborating , because well, principle. I decided to give the room up for 50 John, resulting in him paying for my extension and I for his hotel room. Fair is fair.

Towards the mystery man, he is literally this dude here : Turialai Wafa . So now I have a job offer in Afghanistan , in Kandahar.

Interesting. Interesting indeed. I wonder if D would like to live in Afghanistan.

An Afghan follows his heart
GRAEME SMITH Globe and Mail (Canada) January 2, 2007
Most young men in Afghanistan can only dream of Turialai Wafa's lifestyle. He survived the collapse of his society, saw stinking corpses in the streets, and got away. About to turn 35, he has a comfortable life in North America: a high-flying job based in Washington and an apartment in Toronto.

Nothing can force him to return to Afghanistan. His business degree, his status as a permanent resident of Canada and his flawless English leave him free to work almost anywhere.

At least, that's what his friends keep telling him, just before they repeat the question Mr. Wafa has heard many times in recent months: Why throw himself back into Afghanistan?

"One friend told me, 'Okay, you want a medal? I'll buy you a medal, but please, don't go back,' " Mr. Wafa said.

But as he prepares to leave his job as an information officer at the World Bank and take a new role as a senior official in Kandahar's provincial government, Mr. Wafa seems almost impatient for the challenge.

Starting January, he will assume two difficult roles. As the chief administrative officer for Kandahar province, Mr. Wafa will lead a shakeup of the stuffy, bureaucratic administrative systems that make Kandahar's government notorious for corruption and inefficiency. At the same time, he will be responsible for co-ordinating the foreign assistance that so often gets wasted when good intentions crash into the reality of Kandahar.

He comes with the kind of credentials that Westerners respect, having spent more than a decade working for the United Nations Development Program and the World Bank. His authority among Afghans, however, will probably depend more on his political connections, and the fact that he's a cousin of the governor, Asadullah Khalid.

Another thing that will be essential for his success in Kandahar, he said, is strong support from Canada.

"I can understand why most people in Canada feel as though they're blindly following the United States into war in Afghanistan," he said on the phone from Washington. "It's their right to interpret the situation like that.

"But this is only looking at the surface of the water, and it's not even the true picture of the surface."

The only honest argument in favour of removing Canada's troops, or reducing their role, is that Canadians can't stomach the casualties, Mr. Wafa said. The other argument, that the foreign troops' presence isn't helpful, only serves to conveniently obscure the likely consequence of a pullout: If the foreign troops leave, the country would fall into bloody chaos.

The conflict in Afghanistan could again become a "forgotten war."

"The whole nation will become the hostage of a bunch of people with designs to use the land as a perfect breeding ground for very evil and terrorist activities."

He continued: "We need the help. If the Canadians pulled out, it would be such a heartbreaker. All the blood, all the effort would be for nothing. It is all about the justification of casualties as opposed to the cause and morality of the whole campaign."

The idea of Afghanistan falling apart isn't an abstract fear for a man who already watched it happen. Born on a cold winter day in January, 1972, Mr. Wafa was raised in an educated middle-class family, and did part of his schooling in India, where his father served as a diplomat.

The city of Kabul that he knew as a teenager is hard to imagine today, a cosmopolitan centre where thousands of students flocked to the private English school he and his two brothers founded.

"When I was going to Kabul University, a skirt or a miniskirt was pretty much normal clothing for the girls," he said. "It was an open society.

"That was something we took for granted. And out of the blue, the whole thing stopped."

What Mr. Wafa calls the "dark ages" of his country started with the overthrow of president Mohammad Najibullah in 1992, as the government was swallowed by the rising disorder that followed the withdrawal of Soviet forces and the neglect by the rest of the world.

His home in Kabul ended up on the front line between warring factions, and the family of six fled to Pakistan with only $100 in their pockets.

"That was the first time I saw dead bodies piled on top of each other, used as trenches, and dogs eating the corpses," Mr. Wafa said.

The brothers re-established their language school, first in Peshawar and then Islamabad, and Mr. Wafa soon got his first job at a United Nations office as a computer specialist.

He started making visits back into Afghanistan, forced by the Taliban regime to apply for a visa for his own country as he travelled on a UN laissez-passer permit.

Mr. Wafa said he set up Afghanistan's first Internet connection in 1999, trying to hide a four-metre satellite antenna in the backyard of a UNDP compound so that the Taliban wouldn't find it suspicious.

At one point, he said, the Taliban declared they would allow the UN to keep its computers, but they would seize and destroy the "televisions" that sat atop the computers, not realizing that the monitors were required.

"You can't imagine the level of ignorance and stupidity we endured," he said.

Despite years of fighting the ignorance and barbarism in his country, Mr. Wafa said he never thought of abandoning the place altogether. If anything, he said, the depth of Afghanistan's need makes it a more compelling place to work.

"I love the country," he said. "I feel a deep sense of compassion for it. When you have a family member who is weak, you help them. That's where the need is, so that's where you must go."

24 Hours

Well its been slightly more than that since D left for home. I miss the guy and am sorely tempted to either fly him back on monday or fly to the uk tomorrow morning.

I am just spoilt. I like the attention, and we should be out tonight together at some hot new club being absolutely soppy. Instead, I am going to be alone and trying to download the bourne trilogy.

It sucks being in the big city alone.

Heads up on the business. Its been chaos in the stock markets and things are going relatively good, if not stressful. My side accounting thing is going well too. Now if I only had my fiance.

I AM LONELY and totally not afraid to be mocked. I am a big sap. I want someone to come with me to the hot tub and watch the ants below our penthouse.

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh .

Cirque de Soleil [ I think]

The whole troupe moved into my building for their toronto tour. Very interesting bunch.

Today David goes home to the UK. I am hoping to join him on Monday once some stuff is out of my hair.

xxxxxx

Back to work

To the grindhouse I go :) Its been a really nice week, the sun has been out and we have gone out to the patio upstairs almost everyday. We initially get up at 9AM everyday, brew some coffee and read some news , then we head out for a stroll for the afternoon. In the evening I mix a mojito and we head up to the jacuzzi where D tries to tan. The sun sets at 9PM and there is nothing better than watching the sun go down over the skyline. It sounds and feels like I am doing nothing, but I am so relieved that the business is doing alright after a solid two weeks of busting ba**s.

Business tomorrow will be slow though, I can't blame anyone because it has been simply lovely. It will probably start up when it gets overcast.

xx
g

Lau Wai Heen

Today I am taking D out to the Metropolitan Hotel's chinese restaurant. A singaporean has this providence-given sense of smell , and that 'wong hei' , spirit of the wok, beckons from 4 streets over.

Swanking it out.

Right now , I am waiting for D to arrive at Pearson. Can't sleep :) Its been a month since I have seen him. We are going to have some fun this time. Below is the room we're in for the month at rosemont residences theatre district. Its definitely just because I am 50m away from my old place. I got used to the area, and I am going to be sad to leave toronto.

Disaster is Averted

To fight another day, yes, thats probably what I live for.

Someone told me about the difference between a carrot and a stick. People are motivated by different things of course, but they fall into two classifications. Fear or reward = stick or carrot. I am a stick, I have a huge sign in my brain reading, "Now please, just don't fuck up"

Stick and Carrot; One or the other works, and people do mix them up, but generally a person follows one mode 90% of the time.
EG If you don't study now , you are going to end up poor, derelict and living off the streets. And when you do study, you're going to get an MBA, hook a sexy fiance and have a porsche.

So I have been hustling for the last two weeks and have raised a significant amount of cash to make sure the firm stays afloat until I at least get back to SG. I could say it was one of the toughest periods of my life so far, and no matter how many people back me or love me, in the end its just a game between the world and my ego. Nothing else matters.

Another thing I picked up , 35% of CEOs have the traits of psychopaths, and would be obsessive serial killers or arsonists had they not gone into business.

Meh I am rambling, but its been a long month. The next course : convincing D to trade and that the finance industry isn't more evil than the rest of the businesses out there.


All my love,
G

Embrace : Target

07 - 07 -2007

Possibly the luckiest day for the millennium, is what they say. I have to agree.

Guess who is in the pic ??

Bono. Yes, Bono and Edge. From U2. You know, just a pair of stadium rock gods. Long story short, I know the guy who took pictures for Kiss and Led Zepp and another guy who did the filming for Queen at Wembley. So we go down to this bar at king and church, near the hotel i am staying till friday, and basically drink beer with Bono.
He survived a bout of cancer [last 6 months, has a new scar on the left of his neck to show for it] and is now religious. Check out the rosary. Anyway, it was a great night and I sang a few verses from Pride during the gig. Solo. Now see? All that useless musical knowledge and audiosnobbery came out in the end. For the terabyte of music I have, and the $ spent ...

What I wondered about was why there were only 12 people in the bar , and being canadians, do as canadians do and turn their backs on the gig. Really now, Bono isn't an actual god, but you ought never turn your back when someone is performing for you in such an intimate setting.

Its unbelievable. I'd possibly run over someone to get to that gig, and people actually took smoke breaks, and walked out during the set. I wonder if it would be different if the gig wasn't free.

But. Amazing Night. AMAZING.

Upheaval.

Today I moved into the 1 King west suites, and I can honestly say I miss my apartment. I like the idea of just sitting out on the patio, and looking at the grass. I feel at home there. I think I have claimed toronto as mine in a way. I grew up here.

There is currently a lot of business stress and I am hoping I can pull through. I am so tired of depending on myself but I am the only one who can face it anyway. SO I am hustling and making money, giving myself a fighting chance to change my world.

This sounds like a rap song, but I am shoring up on trash tv, because i finally have a tv :) Watching bbc just kills me , because david is back in the uk , it reminds me of him, and my main worry comes from there now. Its not his fault and its not mine, but I feel like I am maimed in some way.

Somehow bleeding out slowly.

Miss-I-want-my-pics-now-Princess

Piano Man

Toronto is great when you're leaving :)

Right now I am still in the major revival phase, so its billy joel and other easy listening ! whee, I am SO cool. Yah. Funny how i think modern music sucks [excluding electronic and misc] , I am sure there are some greats out there. If I could just find them. I think the most recent I have is .... erm. OH. Alphaville.

Saturday was great, and here is a pic of the three gorgeous chicks I went out with.
Guess which.

The city never sleeps

Its 4AM in the morning and I am suffering from a bad steak and kidney pie. And then some excitement :)

A girl surrounded by 4 men looks bad at this time of the night, and after careful observation I decide to call the cops, because it looks like they were either haggling about something or the girl was surprised. It doesn't help that she's wearing a teeny pink top.

Meanwhile I took a shot for good measure, but I must commend the brilliant response time of the coppers here. Time for one shot before I see the girl running off the moment the cop pulls up. Interesting.

Ah queens quay. I guess people in this neighbourhood pay 48% income tax for a reason.

Congratulations to CHUN !!!

I told em so.

Chun got into Rothschild. Congratulations , there is a bottle of moet going her way the moment she gets back here.

I am extremely impressed by her, and now I am through the roof. As always, I think she has done well for herself and she has been very strong in keeping her sights. Brava, dammit, brava. Its going to be an exciting time.

Watch and learn, young padawan.

Today was an incredibly long day. I had great dim sum for the afternoon though. Tomorrow, I really hope things go well. I am packing tonight and heading out over the weekend to EU, maybe.

We hold our breath.

Stuck in the middle with you

Well, at least stuck in the lift. For the first time in my life, the elevator I was in broke down. I was with the VP , and three other managers after sushi. So 5 of us in a 1960s hulk of metal in mid-air for 45 minutes. In this instance, esquire magazine's urban survival is useful. Sit down so you get all the cooler air, breathe slowly, conserve energy and be the first one out when the door opens.

And at all times, be cool. I have to admit , my manager and I were fine, but the older guys were wilting. The last 5 minutes were slightly scary though, cause i was starting to feel sleepy, always a bad sign of oxygen deprivation. 5 people in a lift for almost an hour is pretty hairy. They will never admit it though.

That was on Monday. Today we went to this posh french restaurant and met all the techies, and anyone else important to know. I made my assoc do the toast and give the customary gift, you know, management training. He has earned his wings. I am not much of a wine person at all, but I did enjoy it.

And !!!!!!!! the logo is out . D designed it and its perfect.

I don't think I will show it just yet, but it IS nice.

New look

So this is my new look. Farrah Fawcett has nothing on me:)

Britain's Got Talent

So I spend a night watching this program, above, and here are probably the two who might win. The top dog gets to perform in front of the queen.

They both perform :O , but I think the thing that catches most is the reaction they got. I watched it online and I was clapping. Yeah. Cliche songs, big american gameshow... and I am clapping in front of a screen. The particular version I was watching had 4000 other people on, and had been visited half a million times in the last week.

Whoa.
Just so I get to say 'hah I told you so', I say paul will win. You can be a cynical little prune wrapped up in a 'i am not mainstream' shell, and all you're gonna get is another night alone watching cult films. Which aren't cult because people call them cult films, which means people know about them, which means they ain't cult films.

OFF POINT. Watch.

Paul Potts - Nessum Dorma


Connie - Over the Rainbow

New Age Poetry

Maybe I don't read as much as I ought to, but I do listen to a tonne of songs. And yes, they are weighty because it is poetry, with a tune. And MTV helps too. I'd say some of my favorite songs have the added bounce from the videos I remember. Oh well this is just ranting, I am just fully awake and its 3AM in the morning.

I think this will be happening rather often in the future. I can't sleep because there is too much going on in my mind. Today was a good day, getting the routers and fibre optics, sending my associate the plans and calling up mom and david. It could be hope thats keeping me up. All the time, I think of things beyond my control, and maybe if I don't sleep, I mitigate the risk somehow. There is rent and payout, costs from small bits, subscriptions, entitlements, allowances, plane tickets, papers to settle. I've run out of scotch, and everything else that distracts me. David isn't here, and I bet my bottom dollar I love him so because he is just so weird :)

This afternoon, I took some time off to sit on the grass and walk around the neighbourhood. I really should bring out my camera when I do next time round. I really will miss toronto, and I have two weeks left before I fly off to the UK. Then its Montenegro, Zurich and Amsterdam for a bit. Its all strictly business, I swear.

So some beautiful lyrics, go check out the video if you can.

Gene - London Can You Wait
My kith and kin
I have sinned
I didn't hear the siren, or see him giving in
My kith and kin
I have sinned again
He said
"London can you wait
For all the things I have to say
London can you wait?"

David's Engagement Gift

Now, I think being a sg-ean has a part to play in this little investment of mine. Firstly, no way am I ever going to buy a car in that ol island cause its

1. Too expensive for too little. Honda can suck it.
2. Road Tax
3. Insurance
4. Mandatory clocking of 'learner' hours with some coffee swilling anti-meritocratic unionised driver, who will fail you when he finds out you are living at whatever posh place they consider posh or if you can't punctuate with 'la'. This I found out at Syl's expense.
5. The island is too small to try out 407kmph, unless you want to end up at the dock or in the dock, literally.
6. Car vandalism [ie People like to yank off logos and scratch at the paint]

I totally blame the pseudo egalitarian methods of getting a car there. Thats what it is. Stick it to the man I say.

Not that I am getting too big for my boots, but you only live once. If everyone wants to have the same things, no one would get hitched or have kids, or go to Starbucks, have personal bank accounts, or play tennis, or own a home, or buy a flat screen tv, or have home renovations, do well in exams or EVEN lock their doors at night. Its not about being flashy or humble at all. Nothing about it. If we all wanted to be equal, we'd all be celibate.

Wha, opinionated aren't I ? I think in the end, people forget they are loved and learn to judge instead. This is a giant diatribe right now, because we had a liquid lunch in the office, and discussed amongst ourselves why we are in the business. Everyone does it for someone, and its unfair but true that some people make it and some don't. We just hope that we are on the right side most of the time, and then somehow have this guilt that one ought to give to charity or sommat like that.

People don't change with money at all. Money is just this big amplifier, or a big pecking platform where the only part vulnerable to the public is his soul, because, otherwise, he is invincible.

Absolutely heartbroken.

All right. The naysayers have proved me wrong. I am far too young , impetuous, rash, stubborn. Everyone was right. I should not have ventured out into the world, I should have just stayed at home and become a lifguard at sentosa.

I have fallen in love with the Bugatti Veyron. And I cannot get it.

Its worth 850 000 POUNDS. POUNDS. Yes, £ . Its more expensive than the Mclaren F1.It will take me 3 years, if not 4, to have one.

A new challenge.

PS : G membership is closed. Perks being I will treat you like gold. And if you aren't in right now, you never will be. Suckas !!!!!!!!!!!! wahahahaha.

3 weeks to go

I am counting down the time left for the firm's canadian lap, and of course the start of the european tour. Lots of fun, minimal stress and david :)

I am packing my bags tonight, because I do too much stressing inbetween when I call the UK and when I am actually on the floor[traderoom]. Returning to singapore has some mixed feelings for me. On one hand, I want to show D and my senior associate [ooo fancy] how beautiful the country really is. On the other, home is always an unforgivable place, and there is such a painful experience of being the only shrimp representative at a lobster parade.

But its hotels, the weather, the nature reserves, the food, shopping, the city center. The more I look at the country, the more scope I see in it for business. The country is a resort. From a foreigner's eyes, its perfect. I know a couple of shady places, but you sure as heck don't get stabbed or mugged, drugs are obviously illegal and my GDP is higher than most people believe. I remember; when I got to toronto I sniffed at its clanking transport system. I will probably sniff at others, excluding the marvellous german system.

I also turned my would-be-associate into a suit today. His first good shirt, and the standard trimmings of blackberry, shiny leather shoes and whatnot. I make a great wing-woman. 70% of the fun is hamming it up, so businesscards are on the way as well. For anyone out there who thinks the best businesspeople are reserved, he/she hasn't met any yet. Its bling, brava and bragging rights. I personally know several CEOs who say, and I believe do, walk around in skintight leopard speedos at home and stick out their tongues in boardrooms. They never grow up, and neither will I. We will all pretend that its really really cool to be a stable adult with the mortgage, takes 14 [non-consecutive] days off work, and whose favorite expression is probably plagarised rot like, 'Money is the root of all evil' nonsense. I will be the first one in gold spandex to go jiggle in the middle of the suntec city fountain going 'Wahaha ooo don't take my evil, lets keep the evil from you, shall we?' I assume all burden.

I live by it and if I go down in flames and furious failure, bad press and am left with nothing, man, what a ride. Love me or leave me.

Probably the quiet, unassuming, model-a, never-touched-the-sun mollywhippit is the perfect square peg to fit into a perfect 6"x6" cubicle. You come into this world with nothing, and you leave with nothing but satisfaction, or regret.

Its all zen you know.

Unhappily turning vegetarian.

As I had a nice kalbi and shrimp dinner today, I scoffed at Neeta and Jess sharing a vegetarian option. Oh I love veggies, but I have vegan isues, to be explored another time.

Later on, this film I watched on google video, Earthlings, soundtracked by Moby, ought to be watched by anyone who wears fur, or consumes anything requiring animate parts. To begin with, I do think that we shouldnt be sheltered from the cruelty of slaughterhouses, if we eat meat. I am not saying go vegetarian [most of them ARE weird] , but we have to face the fact that there is more to just buying that t-bone on the rack, if that T-bone came from a hyper-slaughterhouse where men dont have enough time to even aim straight. It does have to go on. At least appreciate the value of meat as meat, and not see it as something we are entitled to.

The film was 1 Hour 36 minutes long, and I lasted to 1:13 , until it got to the lab experiments.

PS : Pork is by far the worst thing you should eat, seriously. Apparently the pigs that grow tumours are still put up for consumption. You are what you eat. AND kosher methods of killing is terrible too.

I probably made like 12 enemies with this one post, but watch it and see if you don't go on some form of moral rampage or the other. If you don't , its a big shame.