Giving up

I have stopped the countdown, because of a sad relisation. Things should cease to be exciting.

Well, its because I get enthusiastic, and thats when things can go wrong publicly. I look forward and have expectations, and when it doesn't work out, I am fine with the outcome, albeit disappointed. However, everyone else is pissed at me.

People forget that I try my best. It sounds like an adolescent rant, but what else could it be? Sounds vain, but when you keep finding yourself either muse extrodinaire all rounder OR biggest failure , when people never ever see you as 'stable' , you have to wonder if you're different.

Thats what I think anyway. No one expects another to be genuine, why should anyone believe me? I want to stick to a normal boring life, everything on an Average grade. Average house, bills, average friends. No more passion, because it hurts too damn much.

I have had exceptionally good times and bad, I have outperformed, and t,hen failed spectacularly. I have never been comfortable, its always either going fantastically well, or in the shits. And I think its because of me caring intensely, that I excel, and the same of which I fall.

I have spectacular friends, a loving family, good prospects.
Let me now just take it all for granted like everyone else does. No one believes in forever anymore, why should I ? And I shall find that life is easier to live. I have had enough of trying to understand, when all is required is participation.

And maybe, when the dust settles, it isn't important either way.

Heck, 5 days to go before the job starts.