I hate dreaming

As in lucid dreams. Last night I dreamt about being in singapore again, and it wasn't pleasant. This dream had no food in it. I was quite alone and just doing the same old, riding the nightrider 1 and feeling that alone-feeling*. In such a tiny country, packed with so many people, when you're out of place I think you get that emptiness more acutely. Yes, I hate dreaming. Sleep should be sleep and thats all it should be. Its like asking death to entertain.

I am right now in limbo again, deciding whether to stay or go home to Toronto. There is nothing in the UK now; the job market sucks , I am emotionally unstable, I am suffering from a dull pain in my chest and I have no fixed abode. I am sick of not being in control, and in one week, if I don't hear back about a new job, I am leaving. Nothing less. I have to draw a line somewhere. Its all a numbers game. Time, money, distance, opportunity cost, profit and loss.

Next plan of action confirmed : Departure to Toronto before 1st April IF nothing happens.

Now I have given it enough loopholes to just turn out right if it does, but it is a solid enough idea to follow if it doesn't.

Again, why I don't want to come home just yet : I don't like to date asian guys. I am sorry, but I just don't. I will find my blue eyed boy if it kills me. Somewhere out there, possibly in the Cayman Islands or somewhere else almost impossible to imagine.