End of the Week

Today D has gone to town to see Bill Bailey and I am left alone, at home, on a friday night, on my first week of the job.

Actually, I don't mind. I am tired out. I LOVE my job. Its practical, you find your own work, and my office has almost NO red tape. Today was another good day, though at the start I made a small brain fart by printing the wrong document and all I could do was think 'FUCK'. I really lost my stride, because I don't know aything, can't tell the difference, and no one seems to be in the office long enough to carry out a conversation. So, there is no one new besides me, everything is foreign, and I just really felt over my head.

I then went for lunch, bought a chocolate indulgence from marks and spencer[mousse, brownie, maltesers, caramel, fudge, cream, white and milk chocolate buttons] and had a good day henceforth. Call it comfort eating, I don't care, it worked. M&S by the way, is my reckoning. It is full of things I will happily spend on and eat. I dont spend money on makeup, neither do i go out much. I don't buy tops that cost more than SG20, and I never will. I will never understand brand whores unless its an issue of quality or cut. I have found my living equilibrium, and i am fine with it. Music, books and food. Ahhhhhh.

Did another report today and for the first 10 minutes, panicked. Why ? Because it was a financial forecast of a project that I hadn't been involved in, and my resource was basically a ppt presentation and a thumbs up. Add to the fact that I never studied economics. And oh, I had one hour. If it weren't for the business plans i had already written for myself, and the investment pitches i did for my own firm....

It came out good, the guy said 'excellent'... I am incredibly happy, because somehow what I made sense of, made sense in the end. I am essentially a salesperson, I make numbers mean something, and I add industry expertise, which is really just common sense. His comment did make me want to issue a dept-wide letter going along the lines of 'thank you, you are all great, smart smart people, and i love working with you, how can i thank you enough, i want to stay here forever' . I won't, because I don't want to give the game away that I was absolutely terrified of the corporate machine until today.

Next week : heading my own deal origination. Fingers crossed.

Day of Reckoning

Today was interesting. I got myself a hat that actually fits. That was during lunch. I got a new project today, and its fresh and...

I realise I cannot talk about it;I went for a course too this afternoon, but I am right chuffed.

D also got a permanent position training as manager in a comfy large engineering firm. This definitely is good news, and I wonder what his new ergonomic mouse will cost.

I also realise that I am being extremely vague about everything I write. Its the first-week aftershock coming on. This syndrome is probably pandemic of anyone new to the corporate machine. New resolution : record days at firm and end up writing a fantasy dilbet-esque book, consisting of 7 financial years for 7 consecutive books released bi-annually, with movie tie-ins and product placements.

The Tasting

So, after twirling the glass, sipping and gargling, a sharp intake of breath brings the bouquet of M&A to life. And now, sliver bucket, spit.

Its actually not bad. This is the second day, and I actually like it a lot. Today my project got taken into a meeting, and yesterday was the deep end in calling. Besides the slightly frustrating bit of being slow, I am fine. There is free coffee, fruit and my colleagues are nice. So nice that I am tempted to be a pessimist.

I just can't get used to the fact that there seems to be minimal red tape in this organisation. If I want something, I don't have to ask someone, I take it from the stationary cabinet. If I have to send out an email, I send one out without a template, its more like point, aim and shoot. If I prefer a blackberry, one is ordered for me. Its fantastic.

All I can do right now is buy a couple of 'woman in business' books. Excluding the ones which essentially tell you to grow some balls if you don't already have any.

This started it all. 2 days to go.

This is the song of the day, and it is a song that actually started me on music snobbery. So maybe I don't have a degree in music and can't tell E from C. I am also possibly tone deaf [hence my disastrous grades in mandarin oral tests] But its a kick ass song from the wide genre of cool Britannica. This song also influenced me in style, skulduggery and my taste in men. Its weathering for the soul. I can even say its what got me used to the idea that there is more out there in the world.

Growing up pudgy means you get to grow some personality, its an evolutionary means of not getting lynched on. I mean, come on, you can't run, hunt and neither do you look good. Fat kids who turn into good looking adults are commonly really cool, even if they are too beautiful. That's what it meant to me anyway. I never take lyrics literally, but the thoughts and evocations can sometimes put me in a musical coma. EG Jimi Hendrix's Along the Watchtower. It is my opiate. I think that's how people in drug-free countries get along. Its a transcendental sense of being. Its philosophy without the help of a high. And so I've never needed drugs, and never will.

Suede : Beautiful Ones


Come to think of it, this is pretty advanced listening for a 11 year old.Cheers 1996.
Suede : Saturday Night

Spartacus , 3 days to go.

Some history for us today, a lesson about defying Rome. Spartacus, thankfully, has not been remade with the addition of either russell crowe, hugh grant or that guy who was in pretty woman. I am right now, too lazy to type out the whole thing, so just google it under spartacus, wiki. Spoiler ! In the end he dies, and 7000 of his follwers were crucified.

Such a cheery mood.

Song of the day is .........

Beatles : In My Life

4 Days to Go

I went to B'ham again today for orientation into the job. There is a christmas fair in victoria square so I am hoping to get mom another novelty christmas ornament, I seem to get her one every year and this shouldn't be the exception. Our tree must be looking quite schizo, unless the theme is something old, something new, something borrowed, something glued lol. If I recall, 2005 was a porcelain globe from Amsterdam. 2006 was a crystal snowflake from Montreal. I guess one for every christmas I am away from.

I am feeling a bit better, I spoke to my dad about some worries I had.

Today's song of the day is a tie between Elton John's Your Song, Blackstreet's No Diggity and Frank Sinatra's Moon River. Yes. We, today, shall cross music in all its marvellous representations of social strata and culture. Oh and sexual orientation.
I listened to the Klaxon's version of ol EJ, and I find it a lot more palatable because its not him singing it. I have peace, I do not have nicole kidman flashing her glittery knockers at me, or a dead princess Di walking over fields of grass. Bazz Luhrman bastardized a lot of good songs in moulin rouge and I can't get that bleeding giant elephant out of my head. I have mixed feeling about cover versions and songs that tie into movies; The Klaxons, as I have demonstrated, have just saved elton from my bin, but screwing with the beatles and frank sinatra is blasphemy. NO ONE should do covers of sinatra. Every performer attempting a cover should march out there and before even breathing, apologise. Imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery when the original artist is dead and the backstreet boys come back with another flipping version of unchained melody.

If it all comes to naught, something old school. No one is too cool to throw away a whole genre of music, even if its pop. There are some hip hop songs out there that are not about niggas, hos and yo momma. Bob marley is cool. He didn't plug anyone's lungs full of lead.

Blackstreet : No Diggity

5 days to the National Express

I have been reading up on B'ham today, and I got reminded of a song when I was on my way to see chun. The Digbeth coach station I went to looked like a death trap though.

Divine Comedy : National Express

Giving up

I have stopped the countdown, because of a sad relisation. Things should cease to be exciting.

Well, its because I get enthusiastic, and thats when things can go wrong publicly. I look forward and have expectations, and when it doesn't work out, I am fine with the outcome, albeit disappointed. However, everyone else is pissed at me.

People forget that I try my best. It sounds like an adolescent rant, but what else could it be? Sounds vain, but when you keep finding yourself either muse extrodinaire all rounder OR biggest failure , when people never ever see you as 'stable' , you have to wonder if you're different.

Thats what I think anyway. No one expects another to be genuine, why should anyone believe me? I want to stick to a normal boring life, everything on an Average grade. Average house, bills, average friends. No more passion, because it hurts too damn much.

I have had exceptionally good times and bad, I have outperformed, and t,hen failed spectacularly. I have never been comfortable, its always either going fantastically well, or in the shits. And I think its because of me caring intensely, that I excel, and the same of which I fall.

I have spectacular friends, a loving family, good prospects.
Let me now just take it all for granted like everyone else does. No one believes in forever anymore, why should I ? And I shall find that life is easier to live. I have had enough of trying to understand, when all is required is participation.

And maybe, when the dust settles, it isn't important either way.

Heck, 5 days to go before the job starts.

Los Cobos , 9

The countdown continues, so here is another oldie.

America : Horse With No Name

COUNTDOWN : 10

Its 10 days to the job, and typically, I have a countdown of sorts. Today's song of choice ... is a bit moody, but hey, Ian Brown is the ex lead of the stone roses. His voice is to be described as singing into a bucket, but the lyrics are apt.

Ian Brown : The World Is Yours


I just went to Merry Hill, Psst : New boots ! and on the way I pass by the black country locks, a museum and brickwork factories. I think I've mentioned this before, but one observation here : living in the midlands has its perks. For example, you can SEE a lily allen song, yes, thats london. You can see a Moby. You can see Queen at Wembley. You can also see 2Pac in cali-for-ni-a. Same with brummie land. Its stark, overgrown with weeds, filled with factories and you see grannies riding on buses. In some ways . Oasis, libertines, suede and kinks, they just fit , MAN. This IS England. At least it is for the English. Did you know ozzy osbourne is from here.... and a couple others you wouldn't have guessed but I've conveniently forgotten.

Yeah, when you're kicking cans and sucking on a fag, you have to be in the midlands.

Here is my city sound sampler. Goodness knows one day I will be reading this for recollections sake.

Toronto : Maroon 5 / Muse / Primal Scream / Snow Patrol
NYC : Moby / Madonna
Paris : Ella Fitz [Love for sale]
Berlin : Rammstein !!!
Brussels : Beatles [All you need is love]
London : Frou Frou

The Shuffle

Guess what folks ? The papers have been signed. I start on Monday week after. I am a bit sad, this means I won't be home anytime soon. I actually miss everyone back home more than I let up, I just wonder how many people keep tabs on me now. I wonder if they know I miss them. Big breath, people on my list include younger cousins.

Example:
Christopher , how tall are you and how many girls ??
Jeremy , are you going to beat my O level scores ??
Chelsea , what is kristel up to ?!

And ETC. Seriously , I am missing them growing up. ''blink''

Anyway , there are plans for me to get to NYC end of november for a gf's birthday. Also, Galway cause an old pal from aussie is there and tickets are £10.


Oasis : Half The World Away

I would like to leave this city
This old town don't smell too pretty and
I can feel the warning signs running around my mind
And when I leave this island I'll book myself into a soul asylum
And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind

So here I go still scratching around the same old hole
My body feels young but my mind is very old
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
You're half the world away

I've been lost I've been found but I don't feel down.

AND SOMETHING HAPPIER :) My Chemical ROmance: Teenagers

Word of the Day

Bête noire , French for "black beast."
Synonym : Anathema

Now all I have to do is use it. I have been successful in using schadenfreude, rendezvous [long ago] , coupe de grace and je ne sais quoi. Now its all fancy, I know, but the funny thing about the english language is that they don't use nearly half as many words as they should, and its not as evocative as something foreign.

Shoot me if I go into a japanese phase and start buying silk pajamas.

Tomorrow its B'ham city, the final exam and then the dotted line. Its slightly scary how committing myself to a job here also means I commit myself to staying in this country for possibly half a decade at the least, and of course, learning how to drive, getting a house and ..... getting married. The M word, oh the M word. The fantastic thing about here though, is that I will eventually go back home for awhile and benefit from the disgustingly good exchange rate. Either that, or I can start building my retirement home where its warm.

No matter what other countries may have, the tiny dot has three unbeatable standards of excellence in public transport, food, shopping, weather, cleanliness, safety and the death penalty. Alright, more than three points to assure I will always come home.

Just randomly, here is another music vid.

Fischerspooner - Never Win


xx
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Wicked Soul

I still have not put pictures, I know. I seem to have this glass ceiling when it comes to flickr or whatever other site it is for the plain and simple fact that I can never remember passwords or member ids.

I had a horrific nightmare last night, so I am looking forward to getting back to work. I only dream when I have nothing else to do.

Kubb - Wicked Soul

Bonfire Night

I had a great saturday night. D and I went for a rocket party and spent most of the evening blowing the sky out. Ours was the coolest because it had golden showers in two rounds with sparkles in the end. D is a wimp around sparklers though.

There were a few other groups around as well, so it was more or less an all-night non stop affair. Then classic chilling out and listening to music gig.

Now to reinstate the all important thing, which is also my cryptic message for the day : All women need nice underwear. You feel like a million bucks when you do. Always wear nice underwear. If you want to be treated like a princess, be one .

xx
g

More Pictures of B'Ham

I went walking around the locks a couple of days ago and got caught in the dark :) It turns now at 5PM, so its longer evenings. Today is the same old, so enjoy

The Libertines